Isn't it funny what comes to mind in the darkness while everyone else slumbers.
I remember a conversation I had with my dad once. It was in the summer time, and he and I were sitting on the porch. Everyone else was in the house watching t.v. and a few of the boys were already asleep. I had been out there just looking up at the stars when he came out to sit with me.
He was quiet for a while when he asked me "What do you want to study?"
he paused for a moment then said, "I mean, you keep looking at those
stars like you've been there before."
I smiled and thought of the
movies Bluebird of Happiness with Liz Tayler and how they had one scene
of the children getting ready to come down from Heaven to earth, and
feeling in my soul, that yes I had in someway been there..
I
replied. "Dad, I'd love to have books and sets of encyclopedias on the
stars and the oceans. I would love to just sit and learn the names of
very bright spot out there, and every depth within this earth..."
He
sighed and said, " I wish I could get those for you baby, I really do.
Maybe someday I can afford those for you..." and he hugged me.
One of the best memories I've ever had of my dad....
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Unchain my Heart
Frozen in time
My heart stands still
Quiet and sublime
Waiting for the kill
Thirsting for a life
That will never be
Until my soul
Is loosed from
Destiny
My heart stands still
Quiet and sublime
Waiting for the kill
Thirsting for a life
That will never be
Until my soul
Is loosed from
Destiny
One of these Days
She
made her way down the path toward the clearing near the creek. It was
her favorite place to go. It was quiet down there, just the water for
music and the birds for harmony. There wasn’t anyone else that came
there, save her brothers when they wanted to play in the water.
The
path led down from the road, through a grove of pines. The sun dappled
the ground, playing through the needles and the leaves of the other
trees that grew there. It was a hot day, and she even contemplated playing in the water herself.
She
found the spot where she wanted to be, spread out the flowered sheet
her mom let her have and plopped her bag of goodies down. She smiled.
Peace. It felt good here all alone with no one yelling or screaming. She
took a small pillow out of her bag and stretched out on her make shift
bed. She put her hands behind her head and looked up to watch as the
clouds rolled by. She could always make a story out of anything,
including the clouds. Her brothers loved to hear her tales, as she
watched the fluffy white cotton go by, she made up wars and wins, ghost
tales, the ones of fairies and dreams.
Today
she saw an elephant, which would mean a trip to the circus. A face,
that rightly looked like albert einstien, and a puppy dog. She saw
mountains and valleys, what looked like South America and one that was definitely george jones. She thought to herself, nothing much in them today.
She
took out her coloring book, the one with all the puzzles and connect
the dots. She loved the puzzles, and loved doing the color by number
because she could never figure out what the picture was until it was
almost completed. She rolled over on her stomach and began to color.
She
never heard him come down the path. She never heard him sneak up behind
where she was. She never paid any attention to the shadow that was
lurking over top of her till it was too late.
“Boo!” he screamed. She yelled and broke her only green crayon.
He cracked up as she swiftly turned around and kicked his leg before he could get clear from her.
He fell on the ground, unhurt, as the leaves made a cushion for his body.
She scowled at him, really perturbed that her time was now not hers.
“What are you doing here?”
“What are you doing here?” he asked back.
“What does it look like I’m doing???”
“I don’t know, you tell me.”
She punched him in the arm as he came to sit beside her on the sheet.
“Well, I’m trying
to get some alone time away from things.” She said as she turned back
over on her stomach to continue her picture, minus the green crayon.
“Wellll, I’ll just stay and be alone with you. How’s that?” he smiled.
“Do I have a choice?” she glanced at him sideways.
“No.”
he stated matter of factly as he started rummaging through her bag to
find something to eat. She always brought homemade vanilla cake that her
gran would make, along with a couple of peanut butter sandwiches and a
few pieces of fruit. It was like she knew she would have company and
packed extra every time.
“Didn’t
think so.” She muttered under her breath. Truth was, she didn’t mind.
She loved it when he would follow her down here. Sometimes she came
knowing he would be a few minutes behind her. It was like he watched her
moves, knew what and when she was going to do something. It got scary
at times how he knew things, but she came to accept it over the time of
their friendship.
“What? All you had was Coke? No Pepsi?” he asked, getting a cold can out and popping the top on it.
She
cocked her head, “Beggers can’t be chosers turdball.” And went back to
coloring in the princesses’ dress. It was pink and yellow. Nice colors
for a princess dress.
He
got out a sandwich and bit in, getting the peanut butter stuck on the
roof of his mouth. He giggled, remembering the time he and her gave the
dog some, and watched him lick for hours the sticky goo from his mouth
and tongue.
“What?” she said, not looking up and trying to ignore how he would watch her hands move with each stroke of the color.
“Nothing.”
He
took his shoes and socks off, and lay down beside her, putting his
hands behind his head. He tried to see things in the clouds, but wasn’t
as good as she. They were just white things floating effortlessly in
space. He once saw an F-18 bust out of one like a bat out of hell. That
had been awesome. Other than that, nothing really.
He
slid a glance over her way, watching as she switched crayons to finish
the page she was working on. She went about it like a true artist,
although she couldn’t sketch herself as she wished she could, she loved
to color and did so like a pro. He envied her way of staying in the
lines, something he worked hard on but could never do. Must not have
been in his genes to be able to do that.
“I know something.” He chimed.
He waited for her response, knowing to brace himself as he knew she was going to arm punch him again.
“Tell me.” she said without looking up at him.
“Nope. Not gonna.” He said, sing song like.
She
scowled his way for a second before reaching over and sure enough,
punching his arm. He grunted, and rubbed the top of his left arm, still
stinging from her blow.
“Are you gonna tell me, or do I have to beat it outta you cause you know I will.” She said as menacing as she could muster.
With
him, it was all fun. She never worried about hurting him; he took her
punches all in stride. Tough he was, and he needed to be to hang with
her. She took no crap, was a great friend, loyal to her buddies and beat
the snot out of a lot of bullies who thought they could run the bus.
She kept things straight. No one even the seniors
on the bus would dare cross her. She’d taken one of them down with her
baseball bat for hurting a brother, and even though she was expelled for
a few days, she came back the same old way.
Her
motto: DON’T START NUTHIN’ WON’T BE NUTHIN’. That was something that
everybody lived by where she was concerned. They found out quickly, she
meant what she said and she did what she told you she would. You were
her friend, her potential friend, or her enemy.
He
had thought it funny the first time he’d met her. He was the new kid,
getting on the bus with the rest of the hoodlums in this god forsaken
place people around there called a ‘holler’. He had never heard of such a
place, thinking that his dads’ transfer was going to be a good thing
for all of them.
He thought that maybe a change to a new city
would be great. He didn’t expect the change was going to be in a po
dunk town with po dunk people who looked at strangers as aliens. If you
weren’t born here, you didn’t fit. That’s the way it seemed any way. His
mom had lived here when she was a girl, and moved when she started
college. They bought the house where they lived now from an old friend
of his grandmothers. His dad said it was an excellent price, and he had
thought to himself, who else would want to live here? Who else would
want to buy a run down shack in the middle of bomb hit Egypt?
There
were no streets. There were no streetlights (due to the fact, there
were no streets) just a light tacked to out buildings or out houses. The
road was a paved one, until you had to turn off to where he lived. It
was on a dusty road that only got graveled once a year if that. He had
to actually walk a quarter of a mile just to get to the
bus stop! Out in the middle of no where was where he landed. Being used
to catching the city bus to go somewhere, skate parks, the MALL for
crying out loud! There was nothing here! NOTHING!
Then
he met her. Among all the children on the bus that morning, she was the
one to stand out. The seats were pretty well filled when he got on, and
there was just one with one person in it. He went down the isle, high
fiving the little kids who reached out their hands, nodding to the
others and smiling at the girls who were smiling and tee heeing about
him. He got to the seat with the one person in it, and politely asked if
he could sit down.
She gave him that stare he later learned actually did put the fear of the Good Lord in a bunch of them on there.
She
nodded her head yes. He sat there quietly, not knowing whether she was
just having a bad morning or just mad at the world. After a few minutes,
he thought it best if he introduced himself, seeing how she was about
his age and probably would be in some of his classes. Best make a friend
now, and have someone to talk to rather than try to make friends once
you got there. Who knew? Maybe she would introduce him around or
something.
He
glanced over at her. She wasn’t tall, had long long straight hair that
was braided on each side of her head. She wore an ill fitting t-shirt
that was too big on her, a pair of blue jeans, and a worn pair of Chuck
Taylors. He could appreciate that, seeing how he had worn his Chucks
till they had fallen from his feet. They were black with the Steelers
logo on them. Nice. Seemed like she liked football.
She
was reading a book on Ancient Worlds. He really hoped that wasn’t one
of the classes. He cleared his throat and started to speak.
Out of no where, a paper wad went flying by the both of them and he watched as she sprung into action.
“JOHNNY!” she yelled at a boy that had a big grin on his face, who now was looking like he’d swallowed a goldfish.
“Do
it again and I swear to you on your dead dogs grave I will break that
arm of yours, do you UNDERSTAND ME?” the boy shook his head yes, and
quickly turned back around.
She
turned to him and smiled. Actually smiled. “Sorry bout that. They get
rowdy and I have to get bowdy. Johnny’s a sweet boy, but he gets outta
line easy and I have to make him tow it every once in a while.”
It
was his turn to swallow hard. She had the bluest eyes he had ever seen.
Not only were they blue, but he had never seen eyes that had gold
flecks in them. It was like gold dust, shimmery in the blue pools of
color. Her lashes were long, so long that she wouldn’t have needed that
black junk that girls put on them. She wore no make up at all. Her smile
was infectious as he smiled back at her. The paper wad broke the
silence and now he had an opening he could take.
“That’s okay. I’m sure it was all in fun. My name’s Rand. What’s yours?” he stuck out his hand and she hesitated for just a second before she took it to shake.
“Glad
to meet you. My name’s Josie.” She didn’t look away shyly like some
girls did when he met them. She stared at him, studying his face,
looking directly into his eyes. He turned away first, flustered at this.
“What
grade are you in this year?” he said looking at the other kids looking
back at him and her, just waiting to see if she was going to pound on
him or let him live.
“Seventh. You?”
He smiled. “Yeah! Me too!”
They
had a lot in common it seemed, music (but not that crappy classical she
liked), movies, and some books. He liked the Cowboys, she liked the
Steelers which made for a very good rivalry, and she liked the Pirates
(of course) and loved watching hockey it didn’t matter who. That stood
to reason with her he thought, but didn’t dare say it out loud. She
would have made a very good hockey player. She also loved cars and
anything to do with cars which led him to blurt out “But you’re a girl!”
too late. It had already been said. The three kids in front of them
turned around quickly to see what was going to happen to him. To their
amazement, Josie scratched her head in thought, “You know, I keep
getting told that, but for some reason that hasn’t been proven much by
any body.” There was an audible sigh escaped his lips.
He
found out later that Johnny was her younger brother, one of six that
she had to make ‘tow’ the line. She also kept the peace on the bus; most
of the kids knew she meant business. She had told him about a girl who
didn’t want her brothers’ name down on the list for jumping over seats.
She had written her own brothers’ name down as well, and wasn’t about to
take either one off. The girl thought she could bully her, and three
days later, found herself waking up in the hospital for a few days. She
had taunted Josie for three days, and walking from the bus stop home,
the girl called her a name. Josie told him that she didn’t remember
much, other than her brothers dragging her off the girl.
“You
mean you took it for three days before wailing on her?” he had asked
never meeting anyone like this girl. The girls at his old school dressed
to kill, never chipped a finger nail and had their mummies drive them
to school in BMW’s and Porches. Fighting? No way!
She
had looked down, not liking to talk about it. “Well, I tried to give
her a chance. I didn’t want to hurt her. I told her to please leave me
alone, I was just trying to do what was right, and that stuff like that
could distract the bus driver and kill us all. I had a cousin who died
in a bad bus crash in the Big Sandy before I was born. And she tells me
things. Still. She comes to me, and I just don’t want that to happen to
us.” She had whispered the last part to him, not wanting anyone to think
she was crazy. He hadn’t thought she was crazy, he thought she was
fascinating.
The
school was small, no where near the size of his old one. And yes, even
in this small of a place, there were still the lines of class drawn. You
had the poor ones, the rich ones, the snooty rich ones and the trouble
makers. He watched her the first week, not being able to figure out
which group she fell in. She never shunned the poorer kids (he knew her
situation about that), but the rich kids liked her to. There was a
football player who asked her to wear his jersey on the days they had a
game. The cheerleaders liked her, the snooty kids even talked to her.
Seemed like there was no classifying who she was or exactly what she was
to them other than a friend.
He
fit in with the rich ones, the jocks and the cheerleaders thought he
was cute. He was popular it seemed here, more than he had been at the
old school.
The
first year of school there seemed to fly by for him. He joined the
teams, made good grades, watched Josie de-ball a boy that had been
bothering her (and yeah, get paddled and expelled for two days), and had
an off again on again love by the name of Shelby Anne.
Josie
lived above him, and her brothers would come down to play foot ball
with him, and swim in their pool. Josie wasn’t allowed. Her dad was very
strict on her to the point of stupidity. Rand was allowed up, only when he went off on one of his month long binges.
The
summer came, school went out, and her dad thankfully went off on one of
those binges of his. Josie was free for at least a little while. Her
mom didn’t mind if Rand
came to visit and she didn’t mind if they played catch in the yard, or
if Josie and him went down to the creek to catch crawfish.
Josie’s
mom for the most part was a nice hard working woman, who reminded much
of his own mother in a way. She’d had a hard life, and it showed on her
face. She did the best she could with what she had, and although they
lived in a shack of a place, kept it clean. Josie’s
mom was also very religious, taking the children almost every night and
twice on the week ends. He had even went a few times, but being raised
Catholic, any other church was foreign to him.
“Well?” her voice brought him back to the present.
“Well what? OH! Yeah…I know something…” he grinned at her and rolled quickly off the sheet and onto the hard ground.
He quickly got up on all fours, and leaped to his feet with his hands on his hips.
She
just lay there, not making a move, knowing that he wanted her to chase
him. She just wasn’t going to do it this time. He would tell her, and
tell her without having a chase.
“I don’t care.” She said.
He grinned, “Yes you do.”
She looked at him. “No I don’t.”
“Ooohhh yeesssss yoouuuu dooooo….” He sniggered back.
“We
can go on like this forever Rand, or you can tell me. I can beat you
till you can’t move, throw you in the creek for the crawdabbers to eat
out your eyeballs, or you can tell me. Now. Which one is it going to
be?”
His
hand went up to rub his chin in mock thought. He furrowed his eyebrows,
crossed his eyes, made a coughing sound, and sat back down where she
was at.
“Not up for the chase today?” he inquired.
“Nope.”
“That’s fine. You’d lose anyway.” He hit her on the back of her head.
She turned around to look at him….
Home Again
If words could express
The mixed emotions
You put me through
If the seconds themselves could just stand still
If the world could be locked out
For just a moment in time
Then you would know
You would know
How much you mean to me
You would know
That I would give up everything
You would know
That I would surrender all
You would know
That I already have….
Spirit of the Dead
Be silent in that solitude,
Which is not loneliness- for then
The spirits of the dead, who stood
In life before thee, are again
In death around thee, and their will
Shall overshadow thee; be still.
The night, though clear, shall frown,
And the stars shall not look down
From their high thrones in the Heaven
With light like hope to mortals given,
But their red orbs, without beam,
To thy weariness shall seem
As a burning and a fever
Which would cling to thee for ever.
Now are thoughts thou shalt not banish,
Now are visions ne'er to vanish;
From thy spirit shall they pass
No more, like dew-drop from the grass.
Spirits of the dead
edgar allen poe
Which is not loneliness- for then
The spirits of the dead, who stood
In life before thee, are again
In death around thee, and their will
Shall overshadow thee; be still.
The night, though clear, shall frown,
And the stars shall not look down
From their high thrones in the Heaven
With light like hope to mortals given,
But their red orbs, without beam,
To thy weariness shall seem
As a burning and a fever
Which would cling to thee for ever.
Now are thoughts thou shalt not banish,
Now are visions ne'er to vanish;
From thy spirit shall they pass
No more, like dew-drop from the grass.
Spirits of the dead
edgar allen poe
He held her there, not letting her move, as he continued to flick his tongue in between her open legs. She could feel herself getting wet, her ass moving up slightly so he could get to her. He opened her up, inserting his finger into her vagina. She came, right into his hand, juice flowing from an eternal spring. He lapped it up like a thirsty cat, drinking every bit of her that spilled.
She went to turn around again, and again, he stopped her. She was at the bottom of the bed, her arms above her head, her still not being able to turn around to see his face.
He still worked his finger in and out, causing her to tighten around it, feeling it like feeling his penis, stroking in and out of her. She rolled her eyes up, moaning, feeling his finger start to stroke her clitoris. She felt his other finger start to stroke her anus.. This scared her a little, until she heard his voice over her sighs, “fiez-vous à moi mon amour, fermez vos yeux et fiez-vous à moi..”she felt her body go, her muscles became more relaxed. Trust him he said, close my eyes and trust him. Her whole body went limp, she willing her muscles to release all the tension she had felt. She could feel his finger, gentle, tiny little strokes on her anus, as his other finger worked magic else where, getting her more and more excited as the seconds passed. She felt a slight pressure there, and felt his finger go in just a little. It was a strange experience for her, both places being massaged at the same time, it felt...wonderful, strange, breathtaking...
She let go again, hearing him moan as well, feeling him this time pushing somewhat harder, moving in and out to her breaths. Her body moved with this, her hands gripping the sheets so tight that they came off the mattress. She began to moan louder, her body moving now, slowly to his fingers. She could feel him, his hardness on her, on her crack, wet with her juices he had rubbed on his hardness. His finger came out of her, and she could feel his cock slide into her, filling her. It hurt at first, scaring her, but he was gentle, just pushing a small amount at a time until she could take it all. His other finger never left her love canal, wet, the bed, his hand, his cock, hard with anticipation of this new fore’ into the dark ways of lovemaking...
She took it, holding her breath, and relaxing, having to, it feeling so weird, but so good. She was so horny that she thought at one point she would come at least a hundred times. It was endless the feelings she was having. She tingled and shook with each orgasm, as his stroke in her became more and more urgent. He held her there, his hand on her ass, drawing her to him, pushing her back, pulling her to him once again.
Her head filled with the grunts of him, even though she couldn’t see him, she could vision him, his head back, his long hair wet with sweat, his body glistening now with it, she could feel his face over her body as he bent over her with each stroke, droplets of his water falling on her back.
She could feel him, starting to tighten, his strokes getting more aggressive...she tried not to panic, but just to enjoy the feelings of this. Once again the tingling started all over, and she thrust backwards hard, wanting him now, to pound harder into her, to feel all of him in the virgin place, wanting him to come deep within her.
His finger came out of her, and both hands were firmly placed on her ass. She could feel his grip, his nails digging into her flesh, scraping down as each stroke was met from him by a moan.
The tempo got faster, more aggressive from him, him slapping her naked ass as she took it all in, feeling his balls flap against her vagina, making her that much more wet. They were beginning to tighten to the feel of all this, and the motion kept her breathless.
His hands became rougher with her, grabbing her hips, then her ass, as she lay there in the same position he put her in, he grabbed her legs, and pulled her to him, as he drover harder into her.
Just as she thought she couldn’t take any more, his hands traveled back up to her ass, and he inserted his finger back into her vagina. Slow strokes with it, fast strokes with the other. She came. And came again, hearing him moan softly himself, “ah oui mon ange, il se sent bien ainsi, j'aime être à l'intérieur de vous en estimant que vous me voulez”(ah yes my angel, it feels so good, i love being inside you feeling you want me).
She felt him pound into her hard, once, twice, three times, grunting loudly now, and she felt the hotness of his seed into her, spewing, pumping into her and she loved it, loved every decadent moment of this wild passion. She was spent, as she knew he was. She felt him pull out of her, and kiss her there, kiss her ass, and kiss her legs. She crawled back on the bed, and rolled over on her side, breathing hard, tears running down her face, silently so as he wouldn’t know.
She couldn’t figure out what all this was, what just happened to her, how she let him do that without a thought and above all, she liked it. She liked the feeling of having him where no one else had been, of having him inside her in every way...
She wiped the tears from her eyes, and felt his hands around her, his strong arms holding her once again.
“mon amour, mon ange. ma petite fleur. vous êtes si spéciaux à moi....”(my love, my angel. my little flower. you are so special to me....).
She was weak and shaky, and really needed to go use the bathroom. She rolled over, to finally get to kiss his wonderful lips, the ones that had been all over her body...
She rolled over to hold him and have him hold her in the glow of the night....
Sea of Life
You drift away slowly
Like a toy boat upon the sea
Getting ever smaller to my eyes
Until there is nothing left but me
In my heart I knew you would
And I enjoyed what time we shared
I hold no ill within my soul
Thank you so much for the care
Spirits come and go
That is the life we live
We intertwine as do vines
Some take, others give…
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