The Last Confession

She sat in the confessional silent as Father Mark made his usual statements of the absolution and such before he asked her what she had on her mind.

"Father, do we lie when we say we live when all we do is exist? And when someone asks and you say I'm dying.. is it a lie because you're already dead inside? What of our souls Father? Is mine such that its' wilted all away?  And what of my heart? Has it stopped beating when it stopped caring? Do we live a lie when are with someone we no longer love and pretend to the world we do? And what if our heart covets another who no longer wishes to be in our lives?"

She heard a sigh come from the other side of the confessional followed by a long pause. She bowed her head and waited for an answer unsure of what the Priest would say. Her thoughts were racing as she hadn’t even planned on coming in and was shocked when she found herself in the dark wooden sanctuary.

“My child,” he said in such a low soothing tone, “ I have a lot of answers, but there are some that I have none to. I’m not equipped to handle matters of the heart, although my purpose is to save those broken hearts. Sometimes I feel like I am such a failure and I wonder if I should continue on. I too have had those same questions. And I have found no answers. To say anything about that it isn’t so simple.”

A tear slid down her cheek as her voice cracked. “Then.. forgive me Father?

“For what my child?” he replied.

“For falling in love with you.” She stood up, opened the door and walked out. The lights were dim in the church and the air heavy with incense from the mass that had been performed just a few hours before.

An untouchable man. Someone above her standards. Someone held in high regard. He was her idol. He was the one she lay down at the feet of every night. She worshipped his naked body as he stripped off his vestments. She loved it when he would disrobe and there would be nothing on underneath.  The nights of passion were innumerable over the years, and she never thought that anything could come between what they had. But something did. It didn’t matter now. He wasn’t the same he wanted her no longer. And she understood.

But, no more. She was at the door and down the steps before she caught her breath. She hailed a taxi as the rain poured down upon her, hiding the tears that were now streaming down her face.

“Forgive me,” she thought. “For I have committed the biggest sin of all. I’ve believed a lie and lied to myself. I believed it when he said that he loved me. And I lied to myself thinking he did.”

She jumped in the cab and motioned to the driver just to drive. Her head against the window, she knew there was no point in looking back, he would not be there.