Twin Flames

I saw him, lying on top of the spread, face down naked. He was sound asleep, the direct result of a long day at the office. The towel lay in the floor at the bottom of the bed, abandoned after the wetness of his body had been dried.

I was quiet in my entrance, standing in the open doorway to the semi darkened room. The sight of him always left me a little off balance, feeling as if I couldn’t breathe. He did something to me I didn’t like. He made me want. I never liked having that feeling, always opting for the ‘it didn’t matter and if it happened it happened’ feeling. This was different. He was different.

I stood there, soaking in his aura, feeling the energy that was wafting from him, the muskiness that was all male could be felt as well as scented. He was a work of art, Michelangelo could not in my opinion have sculpted a better piece. There was just something about him that I couldn’t put my finger on that drew me to him.

He moved slightly, his leg jerking in his sleep, the smallest movement from him making my heart skip a beat. I had known him for ever it seemed, for lifetimes I knew, but this time around it was different. This time it was meant for us to be, and be happy. We were, I thought, given the circumstances of both our lives. Happy to an extent with the life we lived with others, taking what we were given by them, and giving without fear or trepidation to each other fully, wholly. They were always the other half of us, but he and I…we completed each other.

I had never known anyone like him, someone who enjoyed the same music, movies and life in general as I did. There were so many similarities that it was at times uncanny and somewhat unnerving to me. I had dreamed of him, years before I had ever met him. He was always in a hurry, gun in hand, drab olive green surrounding him…then it would fade.

He spoke once of the soul, reading me lyrics to a song he loved to listen to. As his voice resonated the words, hearing it waver, seeing his hands shake a little, watching him lick his dry lips as he spoke, tears began to fall from my eyes. No one had ever said anything like that to me. No one ever looked at me the way he had at that very moment. He touched something in me I had thought ages ago had died, never to return to this time and plane.
“I only wish I could say…but these words…they say it all, because you do. You pull me back when I’m on the edge, you take away my pain, and you make me dream again…” he had said, his hand coming up to wipe my cheek of the salty brine.

We made love that night. Sweet, tender, slow, full of the pent up emotions that had been brewing for well over a year. Everything came out that night, as we lay spent in each others arms, our bodies entangled as once our souls were, eons ago.

We made our own little world, he and I. we lived double lives, talking of our every day existence to each other, helping out with each others problems, listening to each other. We talked incessantly of Mozart, Bogart, battles fought and won, and battles yet to be. It was his work, my work, our kids, our others, but in the end, it was the kiss goodnight that always was thought of as our eyes closed, as we lay with the ones’ we were with…that was thought about.

We were more like the Twin Flames I thought. Soul mate he was mine, Twin Flame very much so. We shared our energy with each other, giving equally with our selves. It seemed he always shone brighter when he talked to me. Sometimes I could see him at work, aggravated, at home distracted, and I could feel his energy dissipate. I knew there were moments that he would pick up the phone to call, only to put it back down again. He was unsure, his mind fighting with the logical realm, his spirit longing for the desires of his heart. At times, he didn’t understand his feelings, which made him angry at himself, frustrated for feeling the way he did, feeling that on all levels this was wrong, but yet…deep down, knowing that in his soul, how could it not be right?

It was confusing, I know. You live with a person all your life, loving that person, knowing that you will die with them. You know that you have married them for reasons, staying with them for a lot more, then something happens that throws your whole universe into a black hole.

I had learned a long time ago, that you could be with your companion soul mate, love that person as it should be, without them being your twin flame.
There were so many levels to lives and souls, that people were yet to realise, or some, even care about. Life wasn’t cut and dry, black or white. Life was a rainbow, just like a soul. There were so many levels to a spirit, so many different distinctions to the soul, that sometimes it boggled my mind.

There was more things in Heaven and Earth that could ever be dreamt of in any philosophy. I felt very thankful and privileged that some of those doors had been opened to me.

I licked my lips, and quietly walked over to the foot of the bed. He lay there, unaware of my presence, deep in the rest of the angels. I wanted to touch him, to feel his skin beneath my fingers. I wanted to feel the melody of his aura as it played with fervor around his physical being.

I closed my eyes and inhaled his spirit, sensing the day that he had, the moments he had anticipated, the relief he felt coming here, and the rest he was now enjoying.

There was so many feelings and thoughts he had during the day, and right now his mind was calm.

I sat down on the chaise near the dark oak bed to watch him sleep.
To want to touch him and not be able to was an exercise of the mental state as well as the physical. It was a test that I put myself through sometimes, always the wait was worth it.

He stirred again, goosebumps forming on his nakedness. His spirit felt me, knew I was there. Soon he would wake. Soon I would see his bright smile and twinkling blue eyes.

Then, our flames would be one again….

(Authors' note: This was supposed to be something different in the aspect of the physical. But, the more I gazed upon the subject of the text, the more spiritual the story became. I can't explain as to why my writings take these turns, other than to say, the soul takes over, the spirit drives, the mind takes a back seat, and the heart is along for the ride. I hope that this suffices as it is somewhat borne on a much higher plane of the mind...)

A Spike Night before Christmas

'

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the crypt

Not a creature was stirring, not even clem

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that Reigne Alliana would soon be there

The vamps were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of blood danced in their heads;

And Buffy in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out in the cematary there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the coffin to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a 69 Camaro, the demons fleeing in fear,

With the immortal herself, a wicked smile on her face,

I knew in a moment it must be Reigne .

More rapid than eagles her witches they came,

As she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Cyn! now, Anabela! now, Judes and Susan!

On, Cath! on Pixie ! on, Dementia and Jenn!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now stake away! stake away! stake away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the witches they flew,

With a bag full of stakes, and Reigne Alliana too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little foot.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,

Down thru the window Reigne came with a bound.

She was dressed all in fur, from her head to her foot,

And her clothes were all black like the color of soot;

A bundle of stakes she had flung on her back,

And she looked like a peddler just opening her pack.

Her eyes -- how they twinkled! her dimples how merry!

Her cheeks were like roses, which made me so randy

Her cute full lips were drawn up like a bow,
Which made me fling buffy right out the door
The cord of the rope she held in her teeth

As I let her tie me up like a Christmas wreath;

A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,

And fulfilled all my fantasies; then turned with a jerk,

And licking her lips

She gave me such a deep kiss

She sprang to her Cammie, to her team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard her exclaim, ere she drove out of sight,"Happy Christmas to all, I love you dear Spike

and you better be dumping that slayer or you will have one pissed immortal on your hands…"

Broken Vows

 

Promises are made

Vows are sworn

When the love dies

It leaves the heart to mourn

The ring means nothing

Just gold on my hand

A pretty bauble

To bury in the sand

Still you are here

And why I know not

Acting as if nothing has happened

Ignorant of feelings that can’t be bought

You act as if everything is fine

Going through the motions

Of what is not there

Knowing my pain

But you have never cared

Once I did love you

The love of my life

Wanted to make a difference

Wanted to be your wife

But you took what I had

Threw it on the floor

Stomped on my soul

Walked out the door

So where does that leave me?

Broken once again

I will never trust or love

Committing the biggest sin

Reflection

My heart beats but what is really there

What fills the void I wonder in prayer

The season of wither is upon me

Deadness abounds in the garden of eve

Joy comes but at what price

Can I pay the boatman to let me cross

My soul shines through my empty eyes

Tears do fall icy and blind

Tired am I why do I walk on

Feeling the cold, seeking the Son…

You think?

 

you think of me
but you deny
you wonder about me
wonder why
you need to feel me
just one time
you want for me
but can't make up your mind
you're curious, how it would be
just one night
one night with me

Desire

 
I will give you diamonds
I will give you pearls
I will give you my blood
If that is your desire

I will be there in your need
I will be there in your want
I will be there in your sleep
If that is your desire

Tell me baby what it is
Tell me baby why it is
Tell me baby how it is
That I desire you

I can't fix it

 
Why can’t I fix this?
Everything else I can handle
Everybodys’ problems I can work on
every time I analyze disseminate
Make a plan to carry thru
And it works.

But my own life I can’t fix.
I’ve tried
I’ve begged
I’ve pleaded
I’ve made game plans
I’ve analyzed
I’ve tried to carry thru
I’ve prayed without ceasing.

Now I’ve given up.
I really can’t fix anything
I can’t fix your life
I can’t do what you won’t do
I can’t cut myself and bleed out
I’m not God, I don’t know everything
I’m not Christ I can’t heal everything.

I’m just me and I can’t fix my own life

Always There

I see the old familiar face
Looking at me with saving grace
Smiling that smile that comforts
Waiting for my hand to hold.

I hear the voice so sweet
Whispering to me while I’m asleep
Assuring me that I am loved
By the One watching me from above

I hear you calling my name
A dream within a dream
That’s never the same
 As I wonder down the path

Never scared of where I am at

I see you in the silver light
Wings of black and gold
There is no fright
A face as beautiful
As the suns bright rays
Beckoning me on
Toward brighter days

I see you I hear you I know you are always there.

Catherine the Great

Catherine the Great

She is the Queen
The one that everyone looks to

She is the daughter
Her mother adores

She is the wife
Faithful and true

She is the mother
There to love

She is my sister
That God sent from above

She is my lighthouse
When I’ve lost my way
She is my rock
My silent place to stay

Thank you sissy
For always being there
For always caring no matter what
Regardless of things in your life
You always save time for me

I love you.

Sometimes

 

Sometimes I wonder
As I walk this path
Who will I meet
Who will pass me by

Sometimes I wonder
Is there really a reason?
To life, is there really  love?
Can there ever be true hope?

Does faith exist?
Will I ever find it
Can I go any further
Without falling down

Sometimes I wonder
Can there be happiness
Is there peace or is it
Just fiction?

The Small Things

It’s the small things
A faint smile
The twinkle in your eye
The deep breathing I hear
While you are asleep

It’s the way you touch my hand
Bite your lower lip in thought
The frown when you are concentrating
Your laughter

To me
It’s like Mount Everest in the winter
Paris in the spring
Venice in the summer
Rome in the fall

It's the break of dawn
The mist rising toward Heaven
The first star at twilight
The sound of the silent dark

It’s the whisper of the wind
The silkiness of a rose petal
The warmth of the sun on my face
The comfort of knowing

Another Kind of Hell

You have exiled me
Across the barren wastelands
Of your heart

You have forsaken me
Left me for dead or undead
To feed upon bones and rot


You have abandoned me
Without provocation without
So much as a tear or good bye

You have left me to love you
To still desire you
To wait…………

Wait
Wait
Wait
For you

Daydream Believer

I’ve never kissed you
Never felt your body
Next to mine
Never woke to your smile
Or felt your arms around me

But

I can feel your heat
Passion deep within
Struggling to surface
Rising like mist in the morn
A vestige of what was

And what can become again

Unchain My Heart

 

Frozen in time
My heart stands still
Quiet and sublime
Waiting for the kill
Thirsting for a life
That will never be
Until my soul
Is loosed from
Destiny

The Haunting of Harcourt

 

You lie there
 Under silk sheets,
Quiet like the dead
 As you sleep
One small curl
Upon your brow
Just within reach as
 My shadow will allow

Slowly I walk
 Toward your form
As soft as
 The approaching storm
Intent upon the
 Kiss I seek
Your very presence
Leaving me weak

As I lean to
Caress your hand
I see the
Shiny golden band
The tears do fall
From my eyes
As was before death
No one hears the cries

Broken Doll

I am just a broken doll
Thrown away and alone
Waiting for my mistress dear
Patiently while I atone

For all my sins committed
For all my wicked ways
For all that she was blamed
Frozen like this for all my days

I am just a broken doll
At the foot of her bed
Watching as her life drains
A smile frozen in my head

Sleep Eternal

I watched you sleep
Quiet like the dead
No movement not a sound

Your body was warm still
On your lips a smile
As I carefully bent to kiss you

I felt your arms around me
And then…
Nothing at all

Time after Time

A kiss
if only in my dreams
black and white
a vestige
of another life with you

Hearing your voice
Soft and low
Whisper to me
Within my soul
Telling me….

Drowning in your presence
Intoxicated by your smile
Feeling safe in your strong arms
Knowing that dreams do
Come true

A Knights Love

For I shall mourn your love
Gone on before my heart was ready
A vestige of your fragrance remains
As I turn my tears fall upon your pillow

For the sun does shine, but dimmer now
The stars twinkle brighter in the sky
As your soul nears the Heavens to dance
With the fallen ones of old…

I shall walk this earth just a shell
Nothing inside remains
My mind cries for your voice
Soft upon my heart

Broken

She waited for him in the darkness
As the shadows fell from the willow trees
Twilight descended upon the tombs
While the leaves danced in the warm breeze

The doves sung a mournful song
As a tear slipped from her eye
A known fear crept from within
As her heart began to cry

Dreams dried as the dead roses
Upon the lonely tombs
Sorrow befell the maiden sat still
Her heart turned to stone

Alignment

I wish....

I wish things were different
For just one night
The universe would align

I wish I could have been in that
dark fuzzy corner
walking out to greet you

I wish you didn't have to work today
So we could spend time holding each other
While Dean played on

I wish I could hear your voice
Not just in my dreams or every once in a while
But every day

One day may the universe align

Here

It’s two a.m. another sleepless night
Tired of this life and all the blindsides
Wondering where you are right now
Wondering if you miss me

I see you smiling at her smiling back
My thoughts on a one way track
Thinking of the times we’ve shared
You know..I’m not going anywhere

I’m here, right here where you left me
Sitting, waiting
Anticipating
For the moment you come back to me
I’m here, right here where you left me
On that shelf waiting to be taken down

So many thoughts so many times
I’ve felt your touch so sublime
Hearing your voice soft and low
Whispering to me you have to go

But there’s one thing I do know…

You’ll be here, right where I left you
Sitting, waiting
Anticipating
For the moment I come back to you
I’m here
You’re here
Right where we need to be
In each others arms
Our souls intertwined for all
Eternity

Secrets Chapter 5

Secrets
Chapter 5
Sunrise

Usually for all of us, when the sun starts to rise over the mountains and dances its’ way down into the valleys and dales, we wake, put on that first cup of coffee and begin our day. For the walkers of the night, it entails a night of passion or a night of kill, in the darkness they watch and wait, stalking a prey that doesn’t realise they are even there. They slink their way back to the underworld, to the crypts and holes, or back to the ones they’ve left behind waiting for them…

Drusilla slipped deftly into the down filled bed, careful not to awaken the sleeping prince next to her. It surprised her that he was even home, although it was near dawn, he usually didn’t drag in until right before the sun got over the church steeple.

She turned to watch him sleep, wondering if it was her or the other he was dreaming of. He lay so peaceful and still, a pun she knew by thinking he slept like the dead. She also wondered if he thought of where she was tonight, or if he even cared.

Should she feel guilty for being with Seeley? Twinges started to creep into her heart. She loved Spike, but he had hurt her so with the last slayer.
Not that he was this obsessed with her. It was that Nikki, like this one had rejected his advances.

There was just something about Spike and slayers, and the ultimate rejection from them, Drusilla thought. She hadn’t minded them too much. After all, he had killed one in China without so much as a by your leave.

But then, there was Nikki Woods. Strong, dark and beautiful. Spike had ran across her in Times Square, quite by accident of course. She was fighting three at once, and her leather coat swung in the action each time she turned to kick and stake. It was love at first sight for him. She was the unthinkable. She was the ONE that would make him whole, understand where he was coming from.  It would be Slayer and Spike.

Drusilla thought he had gone completely daft! The very idea of a vampire crushing on a slayer was mad! She would watch as he stalked her, her stalking him and then the meeting.

Dru thought back to that rainy night, and shuddered. Nikki had almost bested Spike, cutting him deeply over his eye. She never got it. Never understood that Spike was turned on by her fights. She was of a single mind, and that was the mission.

It worked out for the best in the end, Drusilla thought. In the end, Nikki was slain, Spike got a new coat which he looked dashing in, and Nikki’s sweet little boy had a new daddy. Everything always works out for the best…right?

Spike grunted and moved closer to Dru. She sighed, wondering if she could ever get the plan together enough. With Seeley finally here, it was very possible, knowing how Angel and Spike both were so entirely jealous of him.

Drusilla smiled, thinking of the most wonderful night she had with him. This time it was all about her, no grand mummy to get in the way. The birds started singing in her head again, as her dead heart skipped a beat in her chest. Her eyes closed finally, her arms around her love, as he mumbled the slayers’ name in his sleep.

When it was time, all would be revealed, and secrets would be no more.

When it was time…

The sun had risen over the mountain tops, bright and glorious, warming the cold of the air. The streets were beginning to show the first signs of life, people sporadically walking to their intended places of work.

On one nicely kept street one lone figure was closing out the rays of light so sweet sleep could finally come. In a very ritzy hotel on the other side of town, another was just slipping into his silk Ralph Lauren p.j.’s for a nice long nap.
In the middle of these two, a couple estranged from each other held one another close…

Secrets Chapter 4

Mar 15, '10 7:18 AM for everyone

Secrets
Chapter 4
Crush


William Pratt had a secret crush on a very beautiful socialite named Cecily Morgan. She was a vision of loveliness with dark silky blond hair. Her eyes were deep pools of azure, her laugh a tinkling sound of music. Cecily was Williams’ ideal woman. She was smart, articulate, beautiful, witty and feminine. He dreamed of her in the most inappropriate ways, waking up to find himself in a cold sweat and very aroused. He thought of her night and day and wondered if he could ever gather the courage up to actually say how he felt to her.

William devised a plan to win her heart over. He would make sure that he sat behind Cecily during morning mass on Sundays. He would bump into her at the various social functions she attended, sending her one long stemmed rose during intermission at the Opera. He would smile at her shyly at the piano recitals her Aunt would host, watching how she would reciprocate by hiding behind her fan giggling.


William was falling deeper in love with Cecily every day. He couldn’t wait until the moment he could ask her home to meet his dear mum.
He would recite daily to his ailing mum the lyrics and odes of love he had for this girl, the one who had captured his heart.

Unfortunately for our sweet William, Cecily did not feel the same. Cecily was in fact a heartless, cruel, spoiled young woman who loved toying with the gentlemen in her company. She would flirt with them, batting her eyes and giving them those wicked half smiles of hers. She would accept those fancy expensive presents they would bring her, feigning surprise when they would express their adoration and love for her. She had her dance card filled when she would walk into the balls, a lovely red rose would always be sent anonymously at every opera she attended, and someone was always professing their undying devotion to her with poetry and song at her Aunts soirées’ .

Cecily loved all the attention of the young men waiting in line to court her. She was the talk of the circles, and the envy of every girl in town. Men were her playground, and she enjoyed it. They were nothing but toys to be played with, and when bored with, thrown back into the corner. Cecily always thought of men as being…beneath her.

She cared not for their advances or promises of marriage in grandeur. She cared not for their looks or any other physicality they had attributes of.
One in particular grated on her nerves, but she loved teasing him to the point of him, red faced and panting at the site of her ankle or the quick way she would dart her tongue in and out, looked as if he was going to explode right there in his pants. Yes, she loved to tease the men, run the boys wild.

Truth be told about Cecily Morgan that no one knew…was that Cecily did in fact have a secret lover already.

Cecily’s lover was very kind and caring, not minding the wiles she had with others. Cecily’s lover doted on her, rubbing her feet after a long nights dancing and making her a good hot cup of tea right before bedtime. Yes, her lover took very good care of her. After all, women knew how to take care of each other far more than any man could ever imagine…


………………………………...........................................................................

Spike had a secret crush on a very good looking girl. She was young, blond and sexilious. She was Spikes ideal woman, and he intended on making sure she was loved. He would follow her without her knowledge, watching the way she moved, the way her hair blew in the wind, the way  she smiled at that dope who was always hanging around.

Spike  would dream of her in the most provocative ways, ripping her clothes off, ravishing her, pounding it into her till she screamed in ecstasy. He would wake up with a painful hard on, slipping nimbly out of bed and quickly relieving himself to the thoughts of her naked body.

He wrote of her in his diary, hoping to read her his longings of her love. Once misplaced and not found, he began over again, making sure to keep it safe this time, out of the way of other prying eyes.

There would come a day for Spike and his crush. He would profess his love to her, on his knees he would ask her to be his intended.

The ways of love are such a fickle thing. Like the wind, it can blow our hearts hither and yon. We could do one thing and it would affect us for the rest of our lives in either a good or bad way. We could do something entirely different and it could impact everyone around us for many years to come.

Spike had a secret crush, one he could not let go of. He had to have her, slayer or not.

Secrets Chapter 3

Secrets
Chapter 3
Reunion



It was the night of the Blue Moon that he decided to come. Drusilla had heard him when he left, watched him as he boarded the big flying bird (she still preferred to travel by boat), and saw him as he un boarded, drove to a Hotel and booked a room. All of this she witnessed from the comfort of her own bed.

He knew where to meet her. He knew her pattern, after all, it was he who tracked her in Paris to let her know of Spike and Angels Initiative problems.
Through the years proceeding WW2, they would run into each other on occasion, one time even being in South America. She was so tickled to see him there, but not so tickled to see whom he was with.

So, here she sat, on a park bench, dark clear sky, moon shining, stars glinting, swing creaking a little in the soft warm breeze. This is just going to be so divine, she thought to herself. Miss Edith would be so proud of her, pulling all of this off in such a short time! And that slayer won’t know what hit her. Drusilla, after all had a good teacher on the art of torture.

She didn’t have to turn around to know that he had arrived. She sat still as a church mouse caught between two cats. She smiled inwardly, knowing how he first loved to watch his prey, then pounce. He was within mere inches behind her, she could smell his glorious scent. He didn’t smell like anything she had ever had the privilege of coming across. She closed her eyes, the stars began to sing and fall from the heavens to bow at his feet. Roses grew, bloomed right on the spot and died. He was a cross between life and death, heaven and hell with no mention of purgatory. If only he had been the one to turn her, maybe things would have been different.

Her hair was swept back from her neck, as his hot lips touched ever so lightly upon her cold skin. It sent an uncontrollable ripple down her being, her heart actually began to beat from the electricity he generated with just a touch.

“You called me my sweet sweet girl.” he whispered in her ear. His hands came up to scoop her hair, the scent of her always arousing him like no other ever did. He supposed it was the innocence that she once had, the gift she was given, the way she said his name. He couldn’t explain it, just enjoyed it when he was with her. She had him in quite the quandary. He never turned her down, but lately his work kept him from his other business and pleasure. There never seemed to be enough hours in the day, and for him, that was never a problem.

He thought back to the good old days when things were simpler, people were either good, evil or dead. In this century every thing had went overboard. No one called, wrote by hand or dropped by for a chat. It was work, work and more work. You either texted, e’d, or vidded. No one had the time to just have a cup of nice hot Earl Gray and discuss a classic.
He missed the good old days. People of this era truly were not enjoying their lives, nor were they taking note of what time their mortal bodies had upon this rock. He was fortunate he thought, in the respect that he had been here for a long while, longer than some, shorter than others. If he lived to be a thousand though, Drusilla would be the one vampire he would want by his side.

“Dru…” he whispered her name like a long lost melody in the wind.
“I’ve missed you, you know.” She turned around, looking up into his blue eyes as he bent down to kiss her full lips.

The kiss was long and languid, much over due, and sorely missed.

He came around to sit next to her. “Miss Edith has missed you!” Dru exclaimed with a grin on her face. Her hands came up to tenderly touch his face.

“And where is Miss Edith tonight? Did you leave her all alone?”

“No silly! She’s watching the other dolls.!” she giggled. She cocked her head for a moment, picking up her.

“You’ve been in the bone yard again my love.” she said a bit pouty.

He held her close to him, knowing that she would pick up more than that, and wanting to hold her when she did. She was a delicate flower, easily bruised, and he never wanted to hurt her anymore than she already had been.

“Drusilla, you know I have to be. It’s my job.” he said cajolingly.

“If you wanted to be in a bone yard, then why not take a grave diggers job?” she said somewhat hurt by what she was seeing in her mind.

He kissed her again, wanting to skirt the issue. “So, my dark love, what brings me out here?”

With the mention of her plans, Drusilla was once again herself, no broody pouty anymore at the mention of her plan.

She jumped up, all excited about explaining it to him. “This is what Miss Edith came up with..I’m soooo excited!” she paused for a moment closing her eyes and swaying in the night…

“Do you hear love? Do you hear? Your bones are singing the melody of love…”

Standing and smiling, he took her by the hand and twirled her around. “Dru baby, stick to the plan remember?”

She giggled and kissed him like an excited child. “Yes Seeley! Yes!”


High above the Sunnydale Park stood a very miffed blond haired girl. What she saw was the love of her life, her first and only undead crush laughing and kissing some tramp.

Oh, oh he was going to hear..she almost dropped her stake that she almost threw to that almost love of her life.

She turned, walking away, tears in her eyes from the scene that now was burned into her eye sockets.

You see, reunions happen when you least expect them to. You may run into that long lost friend at the grocery store. You may bump into an old sorority sister in the weekly A.A. meeting. There may even be a time that you splatter like a bug on a windshield into an old flame, while he is with his new one. Then, there’s the reunion between Immortals and the Undead.

It’s always electric, never boring, and you can count on someone being hung by chains..either in an old barn, or other wise…

Secrets Chapter 2

for everyone Chapter 2
Unsaid

In the human world, secrets tend to get told a lot quicker than in the world of the Undead. This mainly happens because in the human world, our excitement of knowing something we shouldn’t overwhelms our senses like a strong drug, and we tend to want to share that secret as soon as we can. It’s fun to know things you shouldn’t. It gives you a sense of power over the people who don’t know.

In the world of the undead, if there is a secret, it is kept and hidden like a priceless treasure, until it can be unveiled as a work of art or a beautiful melodic symphony…

Drusilla knew secrets. Secrets that she had kept for decades. Her and Daddy shared secrets about Darla. Her and Spike shared secrets about Darla and Daddy. Even her and Darla had shared a few. Out of all the secrets she had found out over the ages, the biggest one was the secret that Darla had told Dru the night Daddy had gotten his soul returned.

It was Daddy’s idea to travel to Romania. Grandmummy thought of the place as a dank dark hole in the world. She hated it there, but being that Daddy wanted it, Daddy got it. Dru didn’t mind, there were plenty of woods to roam and the streets were hers for the taking. Spike followed where ever they went, always up for a game of cards, he found a challenger in a very dashing Count that lived near by.

Daddy had plenty of fun in fully disposing of a complete convent at the foothills of the Carpathian Mountains. Nuns were his favorite, Dru thought back, giggling at how she had almost became one.

After the whole Daddy getting his soul back, and the caravan getting slaughtered, Daddy left the other three for a while.

Grandmummy was devastated. After all, she and Daddy had been together forever, and gave birth to her. It wasn’t that he just left Grandmummy, he abandoned Dru as well.

One night when Grandmummy was at her lowest, and Spike was out vamping it up with the other boys, Darla broke down and confessed something she had not told anyone, including her devoted lover of more than a century…..

Some secrets should be taken to the grave when you die, and once dead, should never be brought to the light of day…Drusilla had learned early on in her new childhood, that some things, were indeed, better left unsaid.

Secrets Chapter 1 (A Drusilla Story)

Chapter 1
Miss Ediths' Idea

One would think that vampires would not have dreams, but she did. They were not always as horrid as the last few, some being very happy ones. But here lately, her dreams had been taking their toll. She lay in bed (yes, she slept in a big king size bed) wide awake wishing she could fall into a dreamless slumber. Every time she would close her eyes, she saw the muddy rolling river with all the screaming people washing down it. For the unlife of her, she couldn’t fathom in her mind why this would bother her. She was a very good killer herself. The Angel of Death she was called in England, The Crazy Living Dead Girl in America (although she thought the ‘crazy‘ part was a bit much). She had a reputation to uphold, and here lately, she hadn’t been living up to her reputation.

She had went out yet again this night to feed. She found a succulent morsel at the local skate park. He was young, tender and dumb, just how she liked them. He came to her willingly, kissed her passionately, and as she licked his neck to feed, the horrible vision returned.

She walked away, leaving him a bit hard and a bit confused. Ah, but wasn’t every thirty year old these days?

Thank the gods there was a blood bank not far from her flat that she could access. She took the cold bag home and heated it on the stove, not liking the way those new fangled micro things made the blood clot. She sat at her table and drank deep, with no visions or flashbacks of the dream…
………………………………..............

.....

Things were not well, she surmised. Daddy had not been the same since his soul returned, and the love of her life was lying next to her dreaming of that wretched whore again. He never dreams of me anymore, she thought sadly.
Maybe if I dyed my hair blond? Or pretended to be human again…
She had written him a poem, a love poem and was so happy to want to give it to him, but then she had found the diary he had kept when he came to this place. It had poetry in it dedicated to her. She burned it, and when he asked nonchalantly had she seen it, she lied to him.

She rolled back over and clutched her favorite dolly. Her mummy had given it to her when she was very young.. not really, she thought again, she stole it didn’t she? The days and weeks, months and years, and centuries now seemed to meld together into one big cauldron.

“Miss Edith, would you mind dreadfully if Mummy made another playmate?” she whispered softly.

She smiled, listening intently to what the doll was saying…”Yes! Yes! Good idea Miss Edith! I knew I could count on you!”

She lay in the bed, smiling contently as she leaned over to kiss him, and cuddle her only friend. Her eyes finally got heavy, as she drifted off into a dreamless sleep…

The Last Supper

The sun shone through the kitchen window bright and warm leaving little spots that danced on the counter when the curtains moved in the breeze. She stood there, washing the morning dishes up and smiling all the while at what she had planned.

A dinner. A nice evening dinner with lemon and garlic rack of lamb cooked just right. He would want honey glazed carrots, porcini mushroom risotto, white chocolate soufflé and a very nice bottle of Sang des Cailloux  1991. She licked her lips unconsciously in anticipation of this very special evening.

She thought back, years ago to the very first time she had met him. Marcus was that tall lanky brown haired boy that seemed shy and overwhelmed until you got to know him. He was a few grades ahead of her, but she would always make an effort to bump into him accidently of course, going through the crowded hallway at school. She watched as he flirted with Sandra Mckowski at lunch, and saw green when he kissed Mary Simmons near her locker after the school bell had rung.

She would fantasize about him during art class, drawing him nude in her mind and loving the deft way he had of showing her just how hard his body could really be. She would drop the brush, disrobe her frock revealing nothing underneath, and deliberately walk toward him, hips shimmying, her chest rising with each deep breath she took. She would then straddle the surprised but waiting Kevin, opening herself up to him, feeling him within her hot wet self, his hardness filling her completely up. Her hands would run through his long brown hair, as she stared into the pools of azure that was his eyes.  He would hold her close, as her body rose and fell upon him.

She signed audibly at her teenage dreams. How juvenile they all seemed to her now.  She wrote him notes only to tear them up before she grew the nerve to send them. She walked by his house just to wave at him while he was mowing the lawn always shirtless and sweaty.

The day he first spoke to her though…that would be forever engrained into her mind. It was not expected, and the exact opposite of what she’d always dreamed it would be like. She was at the football game bored out of her mind, and reading a romance novel…he had been sitting behind her cheering on the home team when the quarterback got slam tackled on the 40 yard line. Everyone jumped up but her, until. She felt the ice cold liquid hit her back like a bucket of water. She caught her breath, jumped up and turned around to see him staring wide eyed and shocked at what just occurred.  

He jumped down from his seat, pulled off his shirt and commenced to shove it over her head. As he did without uttering a word, his hands came up underneath the shirt he’d just put on her, to unbutton her blouse and swiftly pull it off her wet backside. Grinning, he then took her arms and put them through the holes, as if he’d dressed and undressed girls in this manner before.

She stood there in silence, trying to take in this 30 second display of…what could she have called it? Chivalry? Forwardness? She went to speak but before she could he went on to explain, “So so sorry pet! My bad! I get all wonky when it comes to stupid plays like that, and I do hope you forgive me my transgression that poured down your…back.”

There she was everything and everyone faded into the background save but his bare chested body. He was smiling down at her, a glimmer of hope showing in his eyes that she wouldn’t tear into him, knock him over the other bleachers or nut punch him. This was it she thought as the warmth of his hands still lingered on her cold arms. This is where she needed to whisper excitedly that it was fine no harm it would wash out oh by the bye my name is…and I’ve wanted to kiss those lips of yours for so long…but what was voiced was: “Yeah well, next time watch your transwhatchamacallits and be a bit more careful! That was my new blouse!”

She snarled her lip, gave him the stank eye and moved over a couple of feet from the now wet and cold seat. She reached over, took her blouse and wrung out the Coke and laid it under her feet.

It was his turn to stand there for a moment in stunned silence. Okay, given the fact he thought, maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea of ripping her shirt right off her and copping a feel on the way out of it..

But still…he had tried doing the gentlemanly thing by offering up his shirt to cover her. The wind was cold, Fall had come and anyone could catch a really bad sniffle being out in the damp night air soaking wet from a Coke.

He went to say something, opening and then closing his mouth like a fish. She started to giggle and before she knew it, fits of giggles has exploded into the atmosphere. He grinned sheepishly, goose bumps rising on his arms, as his bare nipples began to harden.

She rolled her eyes at him thinking. Now or never…and motioned for him to sit down next to her in a dry spot.

That was the beginning.

There were good times, quiet times she lay in his arms watching the stars dance in the heavens. Other times their passion was unleashed like the fury of a hurricane. The devastation that followed a bout of lovemaking was always akin to Katrina, as nothing survived in the wake of the moment. There were silent walks along the sandy beaches, picnics out away from the crowds. From the time she’d been a teenager, she had loved him….

He grew to think of this slight pixie like girl as his best friend. She was always there always waiting like a small Persian kitty ready to pounce at the slightest hint of catnip. He loved her humor and strength as well as her frailty and uncertainty. She could be one more hell cat when provoked but then again he could find her crying her eyes out in a corner and not knowing why. She intrigued him, made him think and contemplate about things he never would have before. She taught him the meaning of the smallest nuances of life and showed him just how big the ‘big’ picture could really be.

So, for the life of him, Marcus could not understand why he ran from her.  She could be fire and ice calm and storm alive and dead all at the same time and it scared him. She that leaf of a girl scared the mortal shit right out of him.

Years passed, and with that their love grew deeper or shallower depending on the weather and time change. Marcus ran hot and cold more than the Titans locker room showers. There were other women, but it seemed that he always found his way back to her.

She mixed the ingredients carefully for the soufflé’. The lamb was in the other stove, and she had to be careful with the dessert so as not to cave it in with one wrong move.

She went to the fridge and brought out the bottle of wine, smiling, she sat it down on the counter in front of her.  She opened the cabinet drawer and produced an eighteen gauge syringe. She popped the plastic safety from the needle and stared at it for just a split second before plunging it with immense glee into the cork of the wine. She pulled it back out, and plunged again, much like a killer with a knife, she repeated this action a few more times before placing the syringe back in the drawer.

She looked at the wall clock. She had to start getting ready, he would arrive in a few hours.

Marcus was excited about the dinner. It had been a long time, and his life had been living hell lately. Deals had gone awry, his girlfriend in Cali decided to go Lesbian and he was to the point of just ending it all when the call came from Tristin International that they loved his work and wanted to hire him on as CEA he jumped at the chance.  A sign on bonus of twenty thousand and a six figure a year salary was something he had long waited on. Now, finally, his dreams could start coming true.

She came to mind in his celebratory stupor. How would she feel if he asked her to go away with him? He knew how things were at home with her a loveless marriage mundane job no end to the drudgery. But she chose that life and he couldn’t stop her as much as he wanted to. He had been with her the whole time through all of it, the liaisons, back seat rendezvous and the occasional bring the token girlfriend over for dinner with her family.   

But now was the time. He could now give her all the things he’d ever dreamed of. He could take her away like she had always wanted her Prince Charming to do. She would forgive him his sins, and they would make wild passionate love in the candlelit bedroom. The shadows would dance and sway as the music played on the stereo. Her body would glisten and glimmer with sweat beads, as he would fondle and caress her naked body, kissing every inch of her lusciousness. Bloody hell, he was getting a hard on just thinking about tonight. He stripped off his sweatpants, turned on the water in the shower and jumped in humming a A7 song…

She sat before the vanity studying herself intently. What happened to the dreams and vocations she had? Gone with the Wind she supposed and yes tomorrow would be another day and all that rubbish and rot. She applied her make up with the precision  of a surgeon  blending eyeshadow for just that smoky effect she wanted over her eyes. Her lashes were long, and didn’t take much mascara on them. She chose glimmer purple, and brushed on just a small amount of radiant gold onto her soft skin.

Her dress was pure sex material, deep royal purple with rhinestones dotting the fabric. It sparkled and shone like diamonds even in the dim light of the makeup room. It was low cut enough to show a peek a boo cleavage but covered enough to leave to the imagination. She shook her head, not like he hadn’t seen her naked before, but she always loved the act of pretending.

She donned her black stiletto heels, strapped and buckled them up around her ankles. She lit the long tapered red candles that dotted the bedroom and put on a soft romantic cd that would replay until ready to use. The stage was set, she was ready …now if only the leading man would show….

Apartment 22

She heard the door slam and the boots thump thump against the hardwood floor. She waited for a moment to hear the slow heavy footsteps up the stairway. The walk continued, as she heard the bathroom door open and close and then silence.

She smiled to herself. It had been raining all day, and she so hated dreary  days such as this one. The rain hit the window pane with drummer like precision beating out a melody upon the glass, running down to join the other droplets  before scattering off onto the side of the building.

She had gotten to his apartment early, wanting to surprise him with a visit. She had appointments to keep, but it seemed just so damned easier to be here than it was trying to find the Hanson Building on 33rd street. She knew it was a cop out, but denial sounded so much better in her mind than just saying fuck it she had no intention of going to begin with.

His room was minimal. A bed, dresser, chest, night stand and t.v. That was it. No rug no manly statues of naked goddesses, just a t.v. on the chest. She did love the slate gray that was on the walls, and the crème color of the old ceiling. The tall windows that reached from floor to ceiling were bare, save for the thick black curtains that were pulled back and held in place by thick velvet ropes.

His bed was covered in a black comforter, a duvet at the bottom and the shams done all in gray with black piping. It was truly a bachelors’ pad.

She rested lazily on the bed, hearing the water start to run. The music came on quietly at first, then louder as the shower got longer. Finally she heard the music stop and the water cut off. She smiled to herself wondering if he would be pleased or not that she was there.

She heard him whistling a cute tune that he’d probably remembered from the studio session that day, as she’d not recognized it before.  

Footsteps echoed down the hall as her heart began to beat faster. She grinned, and undid her long trench coat to reveal a black and pink lacy bra and panties. It was silk and lace, and felt luxurious against her skin. She knew he would love it, as she thought about how she would tease him at first before giving in.

She licked her dry lips, and waited, jumping when she heard the phone ring. She went to pick it up and hang up right quick then turn it off so they wouldn’t be disturbed, but he had gotten to it first. Dammit…forgot about the hallway phone, she thought. 

She slowly raised the phone receiver, putting her hand over the mouthpiece as her heart began to sink….

She knew the other voice on the phone. The soft low tone that gave away to high pitched shrills at times. ..

“Well, I don’t know, I just got home why?” she heard him say.

The person on the other end giggled, and it made her cringe at the very thought of the conversation that was going to be played out.

“Well…” she drawled slowly, “ I thought I might come over and cook you dinner if you wish.” She sighed that long irritating sigh that totally annoyed the hell out of her.

There was a pause. “Um…not tonight hon, I’m tired, and I really need to get some sleep.”

She grinned.

“Awww, then what if I just come over with a nice bottle of wine? Would you enjoy that?”

Her hackles began to rise again, as the thought of that woman in his bed made her blood boil.

He yawned, perhaps a little too loud to be convincing “I…I just really need the rest love. Maybe some other time?” he explained.

The woman on the other end said nothing for a minute and finally consented. “All right. I know long day at work, rain and all…but remember, I’ll take a resched any day this week.” She tried to hide her disappointment, but the crack in her voice was plain.

“Okay I’ll try to how’s that?” He said halfheartedly promising.

“Okay, see you next week.” The woman purred as the phone went dead in her hands. She slipped the receiver back and lay there not knowing what to do.

Maybe she could just…slip out on the balcony and down the fire escape to the next floor and then catch the elevator. She started to get up when she heard him walking yet again down the hall. She froze, in between that fight or flight emotion as the door opened to see him standing there in nothing but a towel, wrapped around his waist.

He stood there, not blinking an eye as she laid there not breathing a breath.

A big smile suddenly spread over his face, as he put his hands on his hips, showing his firm muscular body.

She could feel the heat rise up in her face as she tried to think of something to say. “I…wanted…” was all she could stammer out.

He looked her up and down, her long tan legs peeking through the black trench coat she had on. He could smell the scent of her perfume waft up as the air conditioner kicked on low in the window. The rain was really coming down in sheets and torrents now, the sky as dark as twilight with the exception of an occasional streak of lightening.

She lay there on his bed, tears welling up in her eyes as she thought…what a stupid stunt she’d pulled. So much for impulse moves and they never turned out the way she imagined them anyway. Not that she’d ever done anything like this before. Last impulse move was on the ski lift, jumping too soon and cracking her tibia.

He slowly approached her, a grin beginning to show on his face. He couldn’t keep the happiness out of his eyes to know that she would surprise him like this. 

She noticed his dark hair was still wet from the shower, and his cologne was short of intoxicating as she breathed deep his scent. He came around the bed, bare feet padding on the floor. Her voice caught in her throat as she fought to try to explain, nothing would come out.

He gently sat on the edge of the bed, and brushed her long brown hair from the lapel of the coat. He could see the pink and black lace top from his vantage point and could feel himself reacting.

As he bent down toward her, her arms came up wrapping around his neck, pulling him closer to her. His lips met hers in a passionate kiss, his tongue opening up her lips to explore her willing mouth. He caught her off guard, her senses exploding within her, emotions rising as her breath stopped all together.

He slid his hand in the coat, cupping her breast in his hand, as she moaned at his touch.

Finally he broke the kiss, gazing upon her goose bumped body; he removed the towel from his waist and let it fall into the floor.

“You know, I’ve never had a burglar look quite as nice as this.” He said as he bent to kiss her stomach.

Her breath caught again, as she tried to speak “I…just meant to surprise you..I didn’t mean to…” her words and thoughts trailed off as his kisses became more ardent upon her skin.  

He raised up and smiled at her “Surprise me you did love, surprise me you did in deed.” Bending back down, he continued his trek toward the top of her silk panties. Her hands ran through his hair, as she felt the tingling within her begin to get stronger.

“But, you had a phone call!” she suddenly said, regretting the words as soon as they had escaped her mouth.

He looked up, thoughtful for a moment, then smiled at her, lovingly, more than she’d ever seen in his eyes. He licked her stomach back up to the middle of her bra before he said “I had a phone call. It was Felicity. She thought she was coming over tonight. She thought wrong. She thinks she’s coming over this week, she needs to think again. I didn’t want to be rude to her. She’s an old friend and I’d prefer friends to enemies but I’d prefer to keep them as friends and not with benefits.”

“And besides, I knew you were coming over.” He said to her astonishment.

“How did you know?” she asked, relieved from what he had said.

He scooted back up, and kissed her tenderly on the lips, his hand trailing down her leg.

“I called you at home, there was no answer. I wanted to ask you if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight, or…maybe a bottle of wine..” he grinned.

She finally smiled, feeling the tension fall from her body, just as the towel fell from his.

“Now, are you going to take that coat off or am I going to have to take it off for you?” he inquired.

She stood up, shrugged the coat off and let it fall to the floor. He lay on the other side of the bed admiring the woman he loved.

She lay back down next to him, and as the lights went out all over the city, they made love.

I want to Feel Something

“I want to feel something..Anything other than the cold.” He whispered. He was staring out the window into the darkness. Nothing stirred. No wind, no cooing sounds of the dove or the sound of the crickets. Everything was silent and foreboding as his mood was.

He turned around and looked at me beseechingly, begging me with his eyes to help him find what he had lost, or thought he had lost.

“Please….help me to feel again. There is nothing left but the cold in my heart. I can’t feel the warmth of anything, I’ve lost everything…”

I stood up, walking toward him; I could see the tears that glistened in the fire light start to fall and trail down his cheeks. My heart went out to him, wanting to just erase the pain that was there.

I put my arms around him, and tiptoed to kiss the tears from his cheeks. Salty they were, just like the sea. He closed his eyes, and put his arms around my body to hold me. I could smell his fear of things, the aroma of uncertainty that exuded from him was overwhelming. Never had I known him to be this way. He had always been the strong one. And now, he seemed to be a broken shell of a man, a ghost of the former self that he was. His shoulders seemed bent, like the weight of the world was on him. His voice had cracked just slightly, something I had never known of it doing before tonight.

My heart ached for him, so much that I wanted to tell him, but couldn’t form the words to say. It was as if they were stuck in my throat, not willing to be coaxed out for any reason. All I could do was just hold him there, my head on his broad chest, trying to pretend that I heard his heart beat, like I had so many years ago.

He had lost her once again. He had tried to save her this time, but failed. And this was the end result of the whole mess.

“Just be with me tonight, don’t leave me.” He whispered in my ear.

 I looked up at him, the torture on his face brought tears to my own eyes. He had loved her I know. He had wanted right for her. He had tried. And here he was, coming to me to save him. Did he have that much faith in me? What could I do for him?  I had always tried so hard to stay in the background until he needed me. I never wanted to interfere in his life, other than to be just a shadow on the wall. I stayed lowed, played low, and never caused a ripple in his pond. But he always knew that when he needed me I would be there.

I had been his saving grace for a long time it seemed. I remembered him in the sunlight, before the night fell and cast its’ dark shadow upon his mortal body. I had been there, in the blackness of his grave, watching, as she waited for him to rise. And then, I left. I saw him over the years, and he would acknowledge, but never call me out. She never knew, but would look at me with that ‘I know you from somewhere, don’t I’ look.

Still, after all this time, I was here not willing to let go. He had run into me, quite by accident a few years ago. I had gone to another place, not knowing that he had been there. It was like a blood tie with us it seemed. Regardless of where I thought I could go and not run into him, he was there. Or, if I was there first, he was sure to follow, never knowing why. We always ended up in the same place, whether we ever acknowledged seeing each other or not. There were times that yes, we went for years living in the same town, knowing that both of us were there and never seeing each other, living our own lives with whomever was there for each of us at the time.

Unfortunately with him, there could never be anyone. Not anyone he could truly love. There was that one time, yes, with dire results for everyone involved. I think that she was his first true love, and up until now, this moment, his only true love. Yes, he had thought he loved many, but she had been the one. And she left him. Again. She turned her back on him, and all I could do was stand still until he found me this time.  This time, I would not let go. So many times I had. I had turned and walked away myself from him in order to be able to have some semblance of life myself.

She had known what he had been doing here since he hit the city. It was the old search and rescue thing. Helping the hopeless, fighting evil and all that. Certainly quite a change from the old ways, but she was never allowed to interfere with the natural order of life.

That was something she had learned from childhood. Who lived and who  was usually left in the hands of the Powers. Regardless of what man thought about having a free will, or knowing their destiny, they actually knew nothing at all. It was all a ruse, a myth planted by pranksters who loved to watch the stories of the ages play out. Oh! Not that there weren’t surprises along the way. Two with a soul was a definite surprise to them, and the hidden one that came back human. That wasn’t on the agenda either. The Powers had their opponents, just like a magnet with polar opposites. One needed the other to balance out the universe.

In the end, there was always some one higher up than the other pulling strings to the puppets on this earth, the living and the undead.

Some would argue that it just wasn’t meant for someone to die at that time. Then you had others to argue that yes, you could cut your life short with how you lived or what your occupation was. The truth was: you died when you died. You left at the time you were supposed to. Not a minute later, not a minute sooner. There was no such thing as dying too young, or living too old.

There was how ever, the way a life is lived, who is affected by it, and how it is perceived to the world.

He had lived a life of leisure and class. He had only affected a few and the world never thought anything of him.

It was only until he died, that the impact was made. That was when his life truly began. And through it all, he had found me, yet again. He came to me yet again. And yes, I accepted him with open arms. I could never turn him away, no matter what had happened.

I looked up at him and grasped his hand. He took it and I led him down the long hallway and through the double French doors into the bedroom. I slowly unbuttoned his long sleeved black shirt that he was so fond of wearing. Johnny Cash had modeled his look after him, and it actually suited both men, in appearance and in mood. He sat obediently down on the bed as I got on my knees to remove his shoes. I raised his feet up, laying him down on the soft comforter to rest. He was tired, so tired. I could see it in his features. A life time, more than a life time of fighting was prominent, making his brow furrow, him running his hands through his hair…

I went over to the c.d. player and put on some Brahms. The lulling melody drifted out from all parts of the room, as I dimmed the lights low. I walked over to the bed to lie down next to him.

His eyes were closed, his chest rising and falling with each breath. My hand went up to touch his face, to feel it under my fingertips once again. He reached up, and held my hand to his lips, sighing heavily.

I had missed his touch. I had missed his body next to mine, waking during the hours just to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming yet again, knowing that all too soon he would be gone back into the night. My heart quickened at the thought of him here, and old feelings started to come up to the surface. I had long ago wished they would just disappear, as he did, for years at a time.

I couldn’t help but to press my lips on his cold cheek, as he turned and kissed me, long and languid. He arm came around me pulling my body close to his.

“I need to feel you. Just for tonight, let me feel your warmth again. Tonight let me feel like I matter to someone. That I matter to you…”

Tears began to fall from my eyes, as I couldn’t hold back any longer. I was strong when it came to him, but there were times, just like this one that my heart cried for all the suffering he had endured thanks to her.

“My Angel, You have always mattered. You have mattered always to me, all along.”

I held him, whispering to him of the old times we had shared. His body finally began to relax, and soon he was quietly sleeping, legs splayed over mine, his arm tight around my hips.

I slowly slid out from under his arm and scooted out from his legs. I quietly closed the bedroom door and went back down the hallway to the office that was off from the living room.

I flipped on the light which bathed the room in that sickly yellow glow of fluorescent. I went over to the key pad and coded in the numbers. A second later the wall disappeared to reveal an arsenal of weapons. I just had a small collection, but it was the quality of what I had, not the quantity. They had always been a passion of mine.

There was the sword of Alexander, a dagger from Brutus that had sunk deep into Ceaser. There was the gun of a small time bank robber named Kid, and another one of a tiny little wanna be actor named Booth. There were more swords and guns, but I was hunting for something far more deadly.

I rummaged through the drawers that held arsenic caplets, Chinese stars, knives, and various other things until finally in the fifth drawer down I spied what I came for. It had been a very long time since I had used it. I brought it out, throwing it from hand to hand. It was sleek, eight inches long and a deep honey color.  It had the perfect balance of any weapon I had, even the swords. I could put it on the tip of my finger and it would rest there, not making a move to fall.

I twirled it a few times and stuck it in the back of my jeans.

This one thing was my prize possession out of it all. My mother had given it to me when I was a small child, and although strange as it would sound to some, the meaning behind it was even more profound.

I went back to check on him, and as I thought, sound asleep. He would sleep for a long time as worn out as he had been.

I grabbed the keys to the bike off the table along with my I pod. I ran through the songs till I found the right one…

I never told him that I was the daughter of a carpenter. Or that my mother had been a whore…I never told him that my favorite weapon of choice was a stick fashioned from the very piece of wood that secured the death of my daddy….everybody had just thought I had been another unassuming slayer…

I smiled. George Michael came on and I cranked it up as I went out the door…

Before this river
Becomes an ocean
Before you throw my heart back on the floor
Oh baby I reconsider
My foolish notion
Well I need someone to hold me
But I’ll wait for something more

Yes I’ve gotta have Faith...